This is a deeply personal entry that I don't recommend reading. Not that it will have any relevance for anyone but me. For the sake of anonymity, I will be referring to the four as K, D, J, and S. I do not pretend like my identity is hidden, and they will know who I am and who they are simply by reading this. But I hope that these obfuscation is enough to keep their identities a closed book. I do not wish anything but an explanation.
To the four, and all other associated parties therein, I ask a question. A question, perhaps simple to ask, but difficult to answer. Am I so bad? And if so, why? Was interacting with me so bad that it required so cowardly a "break-up"? Because what else could that be if not a break-up. To enter a friendly space and martin-lutherly nail your grievances to my door; I would call that excessive. I know, more than anyone, that I have my issues. I am far from perfect. But each of you have your own issues—but I won't get into them. To lay out grievances and issues with no cause for recourse, for explanation or debate, or any attempt at remediation, would obviously be unfair, no?
But that's what you did to me. Not all of you, no. Three of you could not even be bothered to state your grievances to me. No, only K, and I can give you that. K was at least mature enough to pretend to care, to state their case. To validate my anxieties. Not mature enough to handle this like an adult, of course, no. Hiding in secret, moving behind my back, etc. So childish, so high-school.
I shouldn't pretend that most of this comes as a surprise. I've expected for years that S didn't like me. I've never interacted with J enough to get any read on him, and K has always been rude. But D—that's a shock. I suppose I drag the mood down so much that the four of you are fine with never speaking to me again—and I won't force you to. I would never make anyone interact with someone they don't like. That's not fair.
But at least give me the decency of a forum. If all four of you had come together and talked to me like I'm a person, instead of hiding behind your lackie, who jumps into our call and says "Yes, we are avoiding you on purpose, we don't like people around you, but you can make another group with the people who do," then maybe it wouldn't have ended on such a sour note.
Instead, I don't care. I have stopped caring. If you are willing to cast aside nearly a decade of friendship without so much as a word, then you clearly never cared for me in any meaningful capacity. My only regret is that I fucking bothered to care back.
--23 January 2025--